Oh, Marge.

The other day my friend Marge...

...Yes, I have a friend named Marge. Well, her name is Margaret but I call her Marge b/c that rhymes with barge and she is a total presence and force like barge. Back in the good old days of working together at the agency, Marge wanted to have a television show called "Here is What is Wrong With You and Here is How I Will Fix It." This would have been the best show ever. I promise you. I tell you this quip about Marge so you will understand that why, when she made the upcoming statement to me a few days ago, the effect of her words was profound. 

So, she says "Ram (she calls me Ram), you have the greatest life."

Hold up. WHAT?

Do I? I stopped to think about it. I thought about it for several days because on the day that she said this to me I was cranky. I was grouchy. I was pissy with my husband, I was pissy with my friends, my career, etc etc. I've been going through something. Call it boredom. Call it been-home-too-long. Call it hormones. Call it whatever you want to. It's happening.

I've learned some things about myself in the past 18 months at home with this bebe have been a time of constant transition. I sometimes wonder if going back to work right away, out of the house, away from the bebe would have been better for me. I would have been slapped with reality. Slapped back into every day life. But I had already chosen a different path and what really happened is that I created a little family cocoon. And this time and space is really awesome and precious to me and I would not have it any other way. But this time has allowed me to really take a brain break. The first one ever in my entire life.

And I needed one. I was burned out when I started working for myself. That alone drove me to work for myself. And I liked it and I liked networking and connecting with people. It felt natural to me and I felt like I was growing in my career and doing good work - all of the things my former boss and some of my collegues told me simply would NOT happen outside of their watchful eye. But I still hadn't found my rhythm and when Bebe came into this world she was a bright, shiny, perfect reason to just let it come to a stop.

But my legs itch, friends. My brain is tingly. I WANT to work. And I WANT to be home with Bebe. I want to have time but make money and I want to have more money so we can move and have another baby and grow grow grow. So my brain and my heart both want to work. EXCELLENT.

Right?

But what the FRAK do I do?

So after much contemplation, self pity and overall gloominess I was jarred back to life by Marge. She was being sweet but she said the truest thing I most needed to hear.

I DO have a great life. I have been able to work with interesting PR clients and meet some of the coolest people in ALL of St. Louis (and the world really). I am lucky to be part of this peter pan society of creative people in St. Louis and I need to embrace it. But by my own rules and be whomever I want to be. I don't have to be rigid or traditional. I need a lesson in taking it day-by-day and really meaning it. And I just have to do the things I want to do. Cooking, writing, PR and talking about it. I do have time and I will find the support.

So thanks, Marge. Ram loves. For reals.