Through more self-indulgent thought than I care to admit to, I have come to several realizations lately. Don't even get me started on thinking that I was no longer an Aries and that I had to abandon all that the stars told me about myself to adopt a new, more shy personality like a Pisces. But I'm told this revelation is bullshit so I relaxed and focused on more important musings.
I have been watching the movie Julie and Julia lately as it's been on my free trial of Encore. And it got me thinking about being passionate. And I used to feel passionate about SO many things and it make me think that I was no longer passionate about much outside these 4 walls. How can I find my passion? Where was it hiding from me?
When I peel back the layers of my life and the roles I play, one theme is consistent: Food. Cooking food, sharing food, talking about food, eating, eating, eating. To say I love food is an understatement.
There was a time in my life I would have felt ashamed to admit my passionate feelings towards food. It wasn't so long ago. But my role as a wife and a mommy (and the ever-increasing coming-of-age saga) have allowed me to showcase my real feelings for food. I no longer care of there is more sugar in my curves. I care about feeling satisfied and about satisfying my little family.
We live in a culture of extremes and lack of balance. Could it be that admitting our true passions instead of denying them can lead us to being more healthy and satisfied. Even outside of the kitchen. Let's see.
Jan 17, 2011
Jan 13, 2011
Oh, Marge.
The other day my friend Marge...
...Yes, I have a friend named Marge. Well, her name is Margaret but I call her Marge b/c that rhymes with barge and she is a total presence and force like barge. Back in the good old days of working together at the agency, Marge wanted to have a television show called "Here is What is Wrong With You and Here is How I Will Fix It." This would have been the best show ever. I promise you. I tell you this quip about Marge so you will understand that why, when she made the upcoming statement to me a few days ago, the effect of her words was profound.
So, she says "Ram (she calls me Ram), you have the greatest life."
Hold up. WHAT?
Do I? I stopped to think about it. I thought about it for several days because on the day that she said this to me I was cranky. I was grouchy. I was pissy with my husband, I was pissy with my friends, my career, etc etc. I've been going through something. Call it boredom. Call it been-home-too-long. Call it hormones. Call it whatever you want to. It's happening.
I've learned some things about myself in the past 18 months at home with this bebe have been a time of constant transition. I sometimes wonder if going back to work right away, out of the house, away from the bebe would have been better for me. I would have been slapped with reality. Slapped back into every day life. But I had already chosen a different path and what really happened is that I created a little family cocoon. And this time and space is really awesome and precious to me and I would not have it any other way. But this time has allowed me to really take a brain break. The first one ever in my entire life.
And I needed one. I was burned out when I started working for myself. That alone drove me to work for myself. And I liked it and I liked networking and connecting with people. It felt natural to me and I felt like I was growing in my career and doing good work - all of the things my former boss and some of my collegues told me simply would NOT happen outside of their watchful eye. But I still hadn't found my rhythm and when Bebe came into this world she was a bright, shiny, perfect reason to just let it come to a stop.
But my legs itch, friends. My brain is tingly. I WANT to work. And I WANT to be home with Bebe. I want to have time but make money and I want to have more money so we can move and have another baby and grow grow grow. So my brain and my heart both want to work. EXCELLENT.
Right?
But what the FRAK do I do?
So after much contemplation, self pity and overall gloominess I was jarred back to life by Marge. She was being sweet but she said the truest thing I most needed to hear.
I DO have a great life. I have been able to work with interesting PR clients and meet some of the coolest people in ALL of St. Louis (and the world really). I am lucky to be part of this peter pan society of creative people in St. Louis and I need to embrace it. But by my own rules and be whomever I want to be. I don't have to be rigid or traditional. I need a lesson in taking it day-by-day and really meaning it. And I just have to do the things I want to do. Cooking, writing, PR and talking about it. I do have time and I will find the support.
So thanks, Marge. Ram loves. For reals.
...Yes, I have a friend named Marge. Well, her name is Margaret but I call her Marge b/c that rhymes with barge and she is a total presence and force like barge. Back in the good old days of working together at the agency, Marge wanted to have a television show called "Here is What is Wrong With You and Here is How I Will Fix It." This would have been the best show ever. I promise you. I tell you this quip about Marge so you will understand that why, when she made the upcoming statement to me a few days ago, the effect of her words was profound.
So, she says "Ram (she calls me Ram), you have the greatest life."
Hold up. WHAT?
Do I? I stopped to think about it. I thought about it for several days because on the day that she said this to me I was cranky. I was grouchy. I was pissy with my husband, I was pissy with my friends, my career, etc etc. I've been going through something. Call it boredom. Call it been-home-too-long. Call it hormones. Call it whatever you want to. It's happening.
I've learned some things about myself in the past 18 months at home with this bebe have been a time of constant transition. I sometimes wonder if going back to work right away, out of the house, away from the bebe would have been better for me. I would have been slapped with reality. Slapped back into every day life. But I had already chosen a different path and what really happened is that I created a little family cocoon. And this time and space is really awesome and precious to me and I would not have it any other way. But this time has allowed me to really take a brain break. The first one ever in my entire life.
And I needed one. I was burned out when I started working for myself. That alone drove me to work for myself. And I liked it and I liked networking and connecting with people. It felt natural to me and I felt like I was growing in my career and doing good work - all of the things my former boss and some of my collegues told me simply would NOT happen outside of their watchful eye. But I still hadn't found my rhythm and when Bebe came into this world she was a bright, shiny, perfect reason to just let it come to a stop.
But my legs itch, friends. My brain is tingly. I WANT to work. And I WANT to be home with Bebe. I want to have time but make money and I want to have more money so we can move and have another baby and grow grow grow. So my brain and my heart both want to work. EXCELLENT.
Right?
But what the FRAK do I do?
So after much contemplation, self pity and overall gloominess I was jarred back to life by Marge. She was being sweet but she said the truest thing I most needed to hear.
I DO have a great life. I have been able to work with interesting PR clients and meet some of the coolest people in ALL of St. Louis (and the world really). I am lucky to be part of this peter pan society of creative people in St. Louis and I need to embrace it. But by my own rules and be whomever I want to be. I don't have to be rigid or traditional. I need a lesson in taking it day-by-day and really meaning it. And I just have to do the things I want to do. Cooking, writing, PR and talking about it. I do have time and I will find the support.
So thanks, Marge. Ram loves. For reals.
Jan 11, 2011
Sigh...
Friends,
Then we crossed into a new year and here we are.
XO
I really wanted to send 2010 out with a bang. With a long, lingering post about what I learned last year (a lot) and what I hope to learn this year (a LOT). I wanted to say how much I love my husband. How he is the very best friend I have and I need to remember that even when the day to day makes us feel bored and cranky. I wanted to talk about how much I love being a mom and how it is so much different, better and harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to just have the time to sit down and write about it. But instead, I spent the time with the hubs and with the daughter and with my brain mulling it all over.
All of those things are still true. I can still talk about them. But the most important thing is that the end of the year taught me that we do have a chance. Every morning when we wake up we are starting over. Making it happen however we decide. My husband taught me that. Did I mention that I love him?
Happy New Year One and All! I'm wishing for growth, peace, love, kindness, insight and progress in 2011. That's not too much, is it?
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