Through more self-indulgent thought than I care to admit to, I have come to several realizations lately. Don't even get me started on thinking that I was no longer an Aries and that I had to abandon all that the stars told me about myself to adopt a new, more shy personality like a Pisces. But I'm told this revelation is bullshit so I relaxed and focused on more important musings.
I have been watching the movie Julie and Julia lately as it's been on my free trial of Encore. And it got me thinking about being passionate. And I used to feel passionate about SO many things and it make me think that I was no longer passionate about much outside these 4 walls. How can I find my passion? Where was it hiding from me?
When I peel back the layers of my life and the roles I play, one theme is consistent: Food. Cooking food, sharing food, talking about food, eating, eating, eating. To say I love food is an understatement.
There was a time in my life I would have felt ashamed to admit my passionate feelings towards food. It wasn't so long ago. But my role as a wife and a mommy (and the ever-increasing coming-of-age saga) have allowed me to showcase my real feelings for food. I no longer care of there is more sugar in my curves. I care about feeling satisfied and about satisfying my little family.
We live in a culture of extremes and lack of balance. Could it be that admitting our true passions instead of denying them can lead us to being more healthy and satisfied. Even outside of the kitchen. Let's see.
Jan 17, 2011
Jan 13, 2011
Oh, Marge.
The other day my friend Marge...
...Yes, I have a friend named Marge. Well, her name is Margaret but I call her Marge b/c that rhymes with barge and she is a total presence and force like barge. Back in the good old days of working together at the agency, Marge wanted to have a television show called "Here is What is Wrong With You and Here is How I Will Fix It." This would have been the best show ever. I promise you. I tell you this quip about Marge so you will understand that why, when she made the upcoming statement to me a few days ago, the effect of her words was profound.
So, she says "Ram (she calls me Ram), you have the greatest life."
Hold up. WHAT?
Do I? I stopped to think about it. I thought about it for several days because on the day that she said this to me I was cranky. I was grouchy. I was pissy with my husband, I was pissy with my friends, my career, etc etc. I've been going through something. Call it boredom. Call it been-home-too-long. Call it hormones. Call it whatever you want to. It's happening.
I've learned some things about myself in the past 18 months at home with this bebe have been a time of constant transition. I sometimes wonder if going back to work right away, out of the house, away from the bebe would have been better for me. I would have been slapped with reality. Slapped back into every day life. But I had already chosen a different path and what really happened is that I created a little family cocoon. And this time and space is really awesome and precious to me and I would not have it any other way. But this time has allowed me to really take a brain break. The first one ever in my entire life.
And I needed one. I was burned out when I started working for myself. That alone drove me to work for myself. And I liked it and I liked networking and connecting with people. It felt natural to me and I felt like I was growing in my career and doing good work - all of the things my former boss and some of my collegues told me simply would NOT happen outside of their watchful eye. But I still hadn't found my rhythm and when Bebe came into this world she was a bright, shiny, perfect reason to just let it come to a stop.
But my legs itch, friends. My brain is tingly. I WANT to work. And I WANT to be home with Bebe. I want to have time but make money and I want to have more money so we can move and have another baby and grow grow grow. So my brain and my heart both want to work. EXCELLENT.
Right?
But what the FRAK do I do?
So after much contemplation, self pity and overall gloominess I was jarred back to life by Marge. She was being sweet but she said the truest thing I most needed to hear.
I DO have a great life. I have been able to work with interesting PR clients and meet some of the coolest people in ALL of St. Louis (and the world really). I am lucky to be part of this peter pan society of creative people in St. Louis and I need to embrace it. But by my own rules and be whomever I want to be. I don't have to be rigid or traditional. I need a lesson in taking it day-by-day and really meaning it. And I just have to do the things I want to do. Cooking, writing, PR and talking about it. I do have time and I will find the support.
So thanks, Marge. Ram loves. For reals.
...Yes, I have a friend named Marge. Well, her name is Margaret but I call her Marge b/c that rhymes with barge and she is a total presence and force like barge. Back in the good old days of working together at the agency, Marge wanted to have a television show called "Here is What is Wrong With You and Here is How I Will Fix It." This would have been the best show ever. I promise you. I tell you this quip about Marge so you will understand that why, when she made the upcoming statement to me a few days ago, the effect of her words was profound.
So, she says "Ram (she calls me Ram), you have the greatest life."
Hold up. WHAT?
Do I? I stopped to think about it. I thought about it for several days because on the day that she said this to me I was cranky. I was grouchy. I was pissy with my husband, I was pissy with my friends, my career, etc etc. I've been going through something. Call it boredom. Call it been-home-too-long. Call it hormones. Call it whatever you want to. It's happening.
I've learned some things about myself in the past 18 months at home with this bebe have been a time of constant transition. I sometimes wonder if going back to work right away, out of the house, away from the bebe would have been better for me. I would have been slapped with reality. Slapped back into every day life. But I had already chosen a different path and what really happened is that I created a little family cocoon. And this time and space is really awesome and precious to me and I would not have it any other way. But this time has allowed me to really take a brain break. The first one ever in my entire life.
And I needed one. I was burned out when I started working for myself. That alone drove me to work for myself. And I liked it and I liked networking and connecting with people. It felt natural to me and I felt like I was growing in my career and doing good work - all of the things my former boss and some of my collegues told me simply would NOT happen outside of their watchful eye. But I still hadn't found my rhythm and when Bebe came into this world she was a bright, shiny, perfect reason to just let it come to a stop.
But my legs itch, friends. My brain is tingly. I WANT to work. And I WANT to be home with Bebe. I want to have time but make money and I want to have more money so we can move and have another baby and grow grow grow. So my brain and my heart both want to work. EXCELLENT.
Right?
But what the FRAK do I do?
So after much contemplation, self pity and overall gloominess I was jarred back to life by Marge. She was being sweet but she said the truest thing I most needed to hear.
I DO have a great life. I have been able to work with interesting PR clients and meet some of the coolest people in ALL of St. Louis (and the world really). I am lucky to be part of this peter pan society of creative people in St. Louis and I need to embrace it. But by my own rules and be whomever I want to be. I don't have to be rigid or traditional. I need a lesson in taking it day-by-day and really meaning it. And I just have to do the things I want to do. Cooking, writing, PR and talking about it. I do have time and I will find the support.
So thanks, Marge. Ram loves. For reals.
Jan 11, 2011
Sigh...
Friends,
Then we crossed into a new year and here we are.
XO
I really wanted to send 2010 out with a bang. With a long, lingering post about what I learned last year (a lot) and what I hope to learn this year (a LOT). I wanted to say how much I love my husband. How he is the very best friend I have and I need to remember that even when the day to day makes us feel bored and cranky. I wanted to talk about how much I love being a mom and how it is so much different, better and harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to just have the time to sit down and write about it. But instead, I spent the time with the hubs and with the daughter and with my brain mulling it all over.
All of those things are still true. I can still talk about them. But the most important thing is that the end of the year taught me that we do have a chance. Every morning when we wake up we are starting over. Making it happen however we decide. My husband taught me that. Did I mention that I love him?
Happy New Year One and All! I'm wishing for growth, peace, love, kindness, insight and progress in 2011. That's not too much, is it?
Nov 27, 2010
ps...
...the Bird is 17 months old today. Just when I think it can't get any better - it does!
With my whole heart, Birdie...I love to watch you grow!
Saturday, November 27
I've missed a few days b/c of the holiday. Lo siento! But I have decided to not go back and just move forward. So...
Today I am thankful for the comfort of this house. We have truly made this cozy brick bungalow into a nest for a family. A small, happy, thriving family. How awesome is that?
When I first quit my agency job to work at home and maintain my own client load. I worried that I'd be bored. That I'd be stir crazy. That I'd want out of these four walls. And yes, I did feel those things. Everyone does. But the most overwhelming thing I felt was content. Happy to wake up in my jammies, make the coffee or brew the tea and start a completely different routine. No rushing out the door. No anxiety over traffic, early meetings, co-worker classhes...I started to settle into a new version of myself that I liked a lot better.When we brought Mila home, I started another new routine - constantly reorganzing every single item in every single room to make room for our growing collection of babyness. It's awesome. I'm driven to live more simply to make room for the most important person in this humble abode
But for now, I love to come home to this house. We got engaged in this house and brought our bebe here on her third day of life. We are growing our businesses out of this house. We continue to make this house work for us and it continues to make us feel safe and content and loved and sane.
Nov 23, 2010
Tuesday, November 23
So, I've been remiss in my mission to blog daily. But we've been a bit in upheaval so with sincere apologies - here is a quick list of my thankfulness and appreciation for the past 6 days (November 17 - November 22):
I am thankful for the kindness of my husband, strength of family, beautiful memories, cooking for comfort, really good friends and a future to look forward to.
And...finally...
Today, I am grateful for my child's smile. I watched her from across the room last night. She was playing with her cousins. Entertaining them with her toddler antics and Milabird sass. So much energy, so many smiles. Finally, my eyes caught her attention and I was flashed the most beautiful, amazing, heart-melting smile...I am still warm and fuzzy from the love in that grin. There is pure joy in the innocence and fun of childsplay. I'm so lucky to be around.
I am thankful for the kindness of my husband, strength of family, beautiful memories, cooking for comfort, really good friends and a future to look forward to.
And...finally...
Today, I am grateful for my child's smile. I watched her from across the room last night. She was playing with her cousins. Entertaining them with her toddler antics and Milabird sass. So much energy, so many smiles. Finally, my eyes caught her attention and I was flashed the most beautiful, amazing, heart-melting smile...I am still warm and fuzzy from the love in that grin. There is pure joy in the innocence and fun of childsplay. I'm so lucky to be around.
Nov 16, 2010
Tuesday, November 16
More and more I notice the amount of non-listening that goes on in life. I know that do it, too. But I want to acknowledge it in an effort to improve. To that end, I am grateful to have good listeners in my life.
Thanks to my ladies for listening to me. I will return the favor with open ears.
XO
Thanks to my ladies for listening to me. I will return the favor with open ears.
XO
Nov 15, 2010
dress me up
I am a dress girl. It's so ladylike and fun to wear a dress and, these days, I almost refuse dress pants or a suit and always go for a girly dress. I want to slip into one of these and have a delicious date with Dfab....
want want want
Do you ever feel like you are losing your inner-youness? I have felt mine teetering lately. But I'm gonna rally and I have a suspicion that these shoes will help. Which would you choose? What screams "Raymee"?
Classic Cord Tom OR Sparkle Tom?
Want Want Want. XO
Classic Cord Tom OR Sparkle Tom?
Want Want Want. XO
thanksgiving fever starts early...
this bird is ready to get her gobble on...
...just a few more days, sweetie!
Monday, November 15
Today, I am thankful for the feeling of anticipation and all that it holds. And that is all.
Nov 14, 2010
Sunday, November 14
Speaking of my dad...Happy Birthday, Big Bg Daddy Waddy! Today is your dad's 58th birthday!
I am so thankful to have such a good dad. Not only have I felt his love and protection every day of my life without fail, now that I am grown woman I also really like him. He has the best laugh on the planet. It borders on hilarious hysteria. It's fantastic.
I love talking to him about music and am always surprised by what he's into and how he stretches himself to like so many different kinds of music. I can remember waking up on the weekend to my dad lying on the floor in the den listening to his collection - the house silent around him, his eyes closed. It always looked like bliss to me. I like to remember him like that and stop in the middle of the day to take in my favorite music - it's like a reset button.
Now that I am the mother to a little girl, I am even more grateful and thankful for such a good dad. I think girls really need that love, affection and adoration when they are little. I always felt beautiful, intelligent, listened to and loved. I might not always see eye-to-eye with my dad and I might not have always made the choices he wished for me, but he gave me the gift of confidence and perspective from an early age. Even now, I wake up every day knowing that my dad thinks I'm really special -- regardless of all that life throws at me -- and that is really special to me.
So, Dad. I think you are pretty awesome. I'm a lucky little girl.
XOXO,
Raymee Jo
I am so thankful to have such a good dad. Not only have I felt his love and protection every day of my life without fail, now that I am grown woman I also really like him. He has the best laugh on the planet. It borders on hilarious hysteria. It's fantastic.
I love talking to him about music and am always surprised by what he's into and how he stretches himself to like so many different kinds of music. I can remember waking up on the weekend to my dad lying on the floor in the den listening to his collection - the house silent around him, his eyes closed. It always looked like bliss to me. I like to remember him like that and stop in the middle of the day to take in my favorite music - it's like a reset button.
Now that I am the mother to a little girl, I am even more grateful and thankful for such a good dad. I think girls really need that love, affection and adoration when they are little. I always felt beautiful, intelligent, listened to and loved. I might not always see eye-to-eye with my dad and I might not have always made the choices he wished for me, but he gave me the gift of confidence and perspective from an early age. Even now, I wake up every day knowing that my dad thinks I'm really special -- regardless of all that life throws at me -- and that is really special to me.
So, Dad. I think you are pretty awesome. I'm a lucky little girl.
XOXO,
Raymee Jo
Nov 13, 2010
Saturday, November 13
We had to take Birdie to the doc this a.m. b/c this nasty bug simply won't let up. She's lethargic, cranky, achy and refuses most food and drink. :-( It's a sad state of affairs. But on the upside, she hasn't given Dfab or I this much attention since she was a wee tiny bebe. Being able to hold her and provide comfort is such a beautiful, simple, honest thing. We relish every second.
So today, I'm grateful for strong arms, a soft chest and a happy marriage. All provide comfort to our precious little one.
So today, I'm grateful for strong arms, a soft chest and a happy marriage. All provide comfort to our precious little one.
Nov 12, 2010
Friday, November 12
I am grateful for waking up with a clear head and the ability to not overreact. Even when I reeeaaally want to. I have to admit that when my tiny child is fighting off any illness, my mind goes to all sorts of psycho places trying to imagine what is wrong with her. But I am trying to harder to contain myself and let the inner-mommy win over the anxious-Raymee.
So, I choose to look at her perfect face snoozing next to me on the couch and know she is fine. Better than fine. She's my BIRD. Even if my clear headedness only lasts until she wakes up from her nap...I'm thankful for the respite from my wild brain.
So, I choose to look at her perfect face snoozing next to me on the couch and know she is fine. Better than fine. She's my BIRD. Even if my clear headedness only lasts until she wakes up from her nap...I'm thankful for the respite from my wild brain.
Nov 11, 2010
Skip to the Lou
Thanks to my friend Chris, our Etsy page got a little love this week. I wouldn't be a good mompreneur if I didn't ask you to go look at it, would I? Keep your eye on Skip to the Lou b/c we've got some surprises in the mix and we're gonna show up soon. Maybe in color!
XO http://www.etsy.com/shop/skiptothelou
XO http://www.etsy.com/shop/skiptothelou
Thursday, November 11
But that little guy standing next to me (yes, that is little me) is my brother Tyson and he proudly served our country in the Air Force for 6 years. Next August, our little baby brother Reid will enlist in the Marines. I am so grateful for the sacrifices our soldiers make and the bravery they show doing something everyday that they believe in. For us. It's a blessing I am not sure I would fully understand if the military had not personally affected me.
I am thankful to both of my brothers. In order to better their own lives, they are serving all of us. No matter where you stand politically, honor is honor.
So, to all the soldiers (but especially my sweet, brave, hilarious brothers): much love and continued safety.
Nov 10, 2010
Wednesday, November 10
Today, I am grateful for a messy house and the family I pick-up after every single day.
I went to bed a little cranky and SO ready for the day to be over (that is a long story and one I WISH I could blog about...) When I woke up my mood was changed but there were shoes scattered about every room, a sink full of dirty dishes, my dining table converted to a laundry sorting station....
But, so what if Dfab leaves his shoes in every open crevice of this house? So what if I literally fell to my knees b/c I tripped over a toy car in the hallway while carrying the baby in the dark? So what if I will spend the better part of my day picking up and cleaning only to do it all over again tomorrow? I am grateful that this house is filled with a family. I am so thankful that the family is mine.
I went to bed a little cranky and SO ready for the day to be over (that is a long story and one I WISH I could blog about...) When I woke up my mood was changed but there were shoes scattered about every room, a sink full of dirty dishes, my dining table converted to a laundry sorting station....
But, so what if Dfab leaves his shoes in every open crevice of this house? So what if I literally fell to my knees b/c I tripped over a toy car in the hallway while carrying the baby in the dark? So what if I will spend the better part of my day picking up and cleaning only to do it all over again tomorrow? I am grateful that this house is filled with a family. I am so thankful that the family is mine.
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