Sunday, November 7

I am thankful for the wee small hours of the morning and time alone with Milabird. She's all snuggly in her tye-dyed jammies, hugging her bunny and seeking me out for comfort. 5:30 comes early but it also comes sweetly.

Saturday, November 6

If you are ever in a slump, hop on a train with your best gals, drink wine all day and bask in the beautiful fall weather. Two words that make me smile and laugh 'til tears: Amy & Lara. XO, Ladies.

Friday, November 5

Everyday (sometime) between the hours of Noon and 3 p.m. my house becomes very still. The hum of the baby monitor in the background gives way to my favorite iPod mix and a mad dash to get work done, finish the laundry, do the dishes OR simply play Facebook. I'm thankful for whatever teeny tiny shred of time I have to myself during the day. I like me. It's fun to hang out.

Thursday, November 4

Today is all about Nicki. I am so super incredibly grateful for Nicki. With one whip of her pen - she brings it to life. I love you, Nicki. TSL4ever.

Wednesday, November 3

As I type I'm surrounded by plastic toy food, a shopping cart, a mail cart and two shrieking toddlers but I love it. I mean, they ARE letting me get these posts done, aren't they? As long as I ignore the mess and focus on the cute, I remain grateful for these two little people.

I'm also extremely thankful my mama friends. I'm so lucky that they trust me, love my baby girl and take time to help. Help is bliss.

Tuesday, November 2

Today is election day. I woke up full of earnest to get out and vote but my day got caught up in errands and picking the baby up. We made it out to the polls after dinner and I was glad to have gone. I'm really thankful to live in a country where I have the right to vote. I'm also thankful to live in a country where I can freely express that I am truly disappointed with the state of politics in this country...it seems like an extreme contradiction to live somewhere where freedom reigns but mud slings.

Still, I'm thankful that we can rock the vote. It's what it is all about. Even Mila rocked the vote ;-)

Monday, November 1

I am grateful for little girls. I had my little cousins Hannah and Ellie over tonight for pizza and to play with Mila. I love pretty much everything about little girls.

Being Thankful...

A very dear friend of mine from childhood is sharing her thankfulness on Facebook every day. I think it's a great exercise in being grateful but also discipline to post everyday this month. So, here we go.

lady friends

I had dinner last night with my lady friends. Hilarity. We tried a new place and they didn't serve alcohol. There were six panicked faces at that table - especially with three mothers without their children around the table. I am so grateful for my lady friends. They remind me who I am.. They make me laugh. I love my husband. I adore my bebe. But I truly need my lady friends.

I love my *mothers*.

xo

It's hump day. I love saying that.

I'm FINALLY feeling better despite the lingering cough - which I'm mostly ignoring in hopes that it will take the hint and flee. Like I always tell Stella - "nobody likes that."

This week has had it's share of basement dwelling so far with reorganizing and working on the next glass order going out. All the basement dwelling has led to a lot of music listening which is a blessed thing. I pretty much can not stop listening to Arcade Fire. I downloaded Neon Bible. WHY DID I NOT ALREADY HAVE THIS ALBUM. Happiness. This is my fav.

envy envy is no fun...

I am having serious new house envy. It seems like everyone I know is either upgrading their current house or moving into a house that is new to them. And, as my most honest self, I am envious.

I love our house. It's in one of my favorite neighborhoods in all of St. Louis. I love the cottagey, warm, cozy feel of this house. We got engaged here, made a baby here and bought that baby here to grow up with us. We've started businesses here, ran them and stored every single thing we produced in our teenytinysmall basement. So I don't want to let my house feel that I'm starting to stray...but I am...

I can close my eyes and see my next house. Spacious, one-level, lots of bedrooms and just enough bathrooms (I freaking HATE cleaning toilets and sinks.) A good yard and enough space for David and his employee gaggle can work on-site but out of site, too. I want the kids to have a yard to play in but be close enough to all the comforts of my city. Trees, flowers and room for the compost pile, too.

Oh well, for now I think I should close my eyes and try to see patience in my future, too. ;-)

got me thinking...

I've been following this blog that I LOVE - pacingthepanicroom - one of the most recent posts talks about the writer's current estrangement from his parents. I read it and reread it several times and it got me thinking about how many adult people are estranged from their parents - at least for significant portions/periods of time.

By all definitions, I am estranged from one of my parents. It pretty much sucks. But it also feels like the only way I can really live a peaceful life - and that feeling (while true and justified) brings about other feelings of guilt. What kind of murpile doesn't like their own parent? What does that mean for ME as a parent?

I mean, it's some seriously heady shit, isn't it? When I was pregnant I probably almost killed my cousin Nicki with my constant musings on the topic. What did it mean for me as a new parent? Especially as the mother to a tiny baby girl who would someday grow into a woman...and be a little bit like my peer. Looking back on MY life with her keen eye into my soul...My therapist said to me, "One of two things will likely occur when you give birth and begin to get to know your child -- 1) you will feel a sense of urgency or desire to connect with your parent or 2) you will feel even more at peace with where you are in the relationship cycle b/c the past will be even more confusing to you.

I'm way into #2. I simply don't get it and I simply don't know how to fix it. So I do nothing. I'm pretty content with nothing until the guilt starts to creep up. And it always does.

XO

bake-a-saurus rex

Today I baked an apple pie and a loaf of banana bread. And before I go to sleep I will complete a shopping list for a monster batch of monster cookies I will bake on Friday. I don't want to cook dinner. I'll just eat banana bread and for dessert I'll have apple pie a-la-mode. Best Day Ever.

ps- putting blueberries in banana bread is tantamount to sheer bliss. try it. love it.

xo

I'm in my jammy jams, my bebe is resting soundly, the doors are locked and I'm settling in to watch Glee.

Tuesday. It's been a good one. 'Til next week...

xo

i really need my baby to stop looking like a child.
cool it, birdie.
please? just slow down a little?

with my whole heart, mommy

content and contentment

Being sicky has given me some time. My brain has been mushy and my thoughts have been self-centered. Aside from feeling like dirt and worrying about Mila pretty much non-stop, I've been having some great ideas regarding some book content. Maybe it's the cold medicine....or night sweats which give me some rare awake time at 3, 4 and 5 a.m. Whatever, I'll take it.

I had such a great summer and I really needed it. I dropped my client load down really low and spent some QT with Mila, learned more about Dfab's biz and packaged a LOT of glass. But I think I need a little more now. I don't want to spend the winter cooped up like a dog with no outlet. It won't be good for mommy and it won't be good for Mila. I am feeling more confident that we are working toward a more permanent-ish schedule and it's time for me to get off my summer vacation kick and get back to school. And get down to business.

As Nicki always says, "we've got some irons in the fire." And it's true. This shit isn't going to solve itself but my to-do list is long.

-- website (can we afford it?)
-- photography (can we write off the new camera that I want and can I convince Dfab that our current camera is not cutting it?)
-- etsy (time is on my side, see photos)
-- overstock (sell, sell, sell)
-- materials for side project (writing/design)
-- plan for second side project (xoxonicki)
-- skip to the motherfuckinglou (xoxonicki)
-- package, package, package
-- organize basement (glass, storage and packaging center)
-- write, write, write (make time for myself or i'm being a daft cow)

Notice, there isn't much PR on this list. Am I really ready to let it go.....?

sicky sicky blah blah

Mila and I have been sick and it stinks. It's taxing to be sick and take care of myself but add in a sick Milabird and shit gets real interesting. At one point last week, I found myself arguing with a toddler who can't even speak. We were just trading whines at one another. We all have our low points....eh?

I'm willing this to be a better week! I washed the bedding today and wiped everything down and welcomed some fresh, cool air into the house (despite shivers, dirty looks and complaints from the hubs :-)

ucky

my petite darling isn't feeling her best. she's got snot dripping out of her nose like a faucet. she wipes her face and repeats "ucky" over and over again. i feel ya sister.

having a tiny bebe who isn't feeling well takes a toll - eventually. after about 48 hours toddling around the house whining and clinging and sniffling and sneezing we are both starting to lose it. my sympathy and my worry are my constant companions but they have abandoned me today, too. but no one likes tiny humans to rub yogurt on their walls and mirrors. it's not just a raymee thing.

today's ucky. word.

silly pants



We are going through a very silly phase right now. I couldn't love it more if I tried. When I was pregnant I would rub my belly and wish for some serious silliness. She's a silly pants genie in a bottle...

exquisite

There is really nothing in this life, in my experience, that compares to the exquisteness of my baby sleeping. All snuggly in her crib with a warm face and warm hands and feet. I can't resist touching her soft soft soft hair and fight the urge (every single night for nearly 15 months) to pick her up and craddle her (while she'll still let me) and whisper into her ear "I love you. I love you. I love you. With my whole heart."

Oh, Milabird. You make my heart so happy.