Lately...

I'm a horrible blogger. I readily admit it. But in my mind, I'm a brillz blogger. I always (and I mean 3-4x a day) have great ideas for quick blog items or ways to make mine more interesting, readable, etc. But I'm either working or mommying and it's quickly forgotten or logged on my smart phone voice recorder app :-)

But I do think about it.

I hate to brag but can you please look at this tiny face and perfect smile?

Oh, how my heart loves this Birdie!



When it rains it pours...doesn't it?

I have had such a good week. Kicked off with a fun wedding and being with my lady friends and started off the work week in Chicago with Nicki. It was so nice enjoy a *bit* of the Chicago warmth before our busy Monday and I relished the time on my own. I've felt like a crazed mama this week shuffling my lady here and there to make work work so I'm so glad it's Thursday and I can start to settle into the weekend with my little family three :-)

Xs and Os to you.

ps- I have SO much good news to share. When I'm given the green light prepare to hear me GUSH.

courage

I think one of the hardest parts of working for yourself is having courage. Courage to make the right decision. Courage to be discplined with billing, invoices, saving. Courage to find the right partners. But mostly, the courage to say NO.

I have a hard time with this. If you know me well, you are laughing and say "yeah, right." But it's true. My cardinal sin as a freelancer is not saying NO often enough. You see, we (the global we of freelancers and I as their spokesperson - LOL) are trapped between wanting/needing/having to make money and wanting/needing/dreaming of the right projects/clients/partners. Sometimes these things fall into place. But most of the time - we choose making $ over passion. Or we work with a partner out of necessity over desire. Such is life.

But what about the times when we know someone is a total fall apart hassle holy hot mess of a person? What then? Is no the right or wrong answer? Is sanity over-valued in my make-my-own-choices way of life?

I struggle here...



me at 33

 I'm 33 today. It's bizarre to see the number in print because I feel about 18 on the inside (and I do a great job of pretending that I don't notice that the outside is looking bounds beyond 18). But everytime the weight of these 30-something birthdays start to creep up on me I stop and think about everything I know now that I didn't have a CLUE about then and I sigh a deep sigh of gratitude.

I've got gray hairs and a toddler on my hip and I really love my life - even when I complain like an ingrate. I am grateful for the lessons I learned in my 20s and I'm even okay with how much (SO FREAKING MUCH) I miss the ease of that life. But, the lessons of the past have given me deep, meaningful friendships. The bad seeds have been weeded out and room has been made for such abundantly rewarding new friendships, too.

In my 30s I truly appreciate that marriage allows me to be creative and expressive and I'm so thankful I chose a partner who values those things as much as I do. He truly teaches me how to live responsibly and confidently. Oh, Dfab. I might be a real pain in your ass some days but you are mine all mine and we are so lucky. And don't even get me started on our little Bird b/c I'll just burst into tears. Motherhood opens you up so wide that you can almost feel your heart swelling to burst (but in the best possible way, of course).

Here are some things I've learned about me in the past 33 years OR a list of things I now accept about myself:
1. I'd rather be Mila's mom than anything else in the world.
2. I am not an optimist and I'm not a pessimist. I'm also not a realist. But for me, the glass is and will always be half full.
3. I don't always want to be in PR but I like it more and more the more and more I do it MY way.
4. I hate that I don't live in the same town as Rachel & Nicki. But the missing makes me love and not take a second for granted.
5. I am a ducks-in-a-row type girl and my friends love me anyway. (Right, Marsh?)
6. I can't blame my parents for my gray hair. I blame my 20s...and my old agency...and working for big oil and...
7. I love sci-fi. I do. I don't have a Vulcan costume or anything but I love the creation of something that doesn't exist and making it feel so real.
8. If I were 10, I'd be in love with Justin Bieber but right now I want to throat punch him.
9. I am still boy crazy. I just talk about it less. Maturity? (I love you, Bradley Cooper...)
10. I hate fixing my hair.

xoxo

2011, I'm starting to love you...

So far, I've learned so much about friendship in 2011. I have been so profoundly touched and moved and felt needed in my friendships. Perhaps that's because I so badly need my friends with every day that passes.

A few weeks ago, my friend Marge showed up at my house with the most beautiful scarf ever made. This is not an exaggeration. She not only brought her tiny precious bean to my house just because - she handed me a scarf that she bought for me b/c she loves me. My friend Sarah, sweet preggers Sarah, is so far away but manages to always call me on a day when hearing her voice is like sanity. She's smart but she's also timely and I love that about her because she called the other day when my options were narrowed down to plucking out eyelashes OR eating my weight in Cadbury. We pick up right where we left and it makes me miss her less - just a little. And don't even get me started on Christina and what went down here last night. What can I say? Christina is family, kids. Plain and simple. Every single Alper in this house is better because of Christina.

And let's not forget the daily cast of characters - you know who you are. I wouldn't make it from a.m. to p.m. without you. Every single conversation with my mothers makes me a better person and a better friend. From our early a.m. chats to our fat bastard Fridays at Chick Fila...

It's not a secret that I value my lady friends with ferocity. I worry all the time that motherhood is making me a worse friend because my time is shorter and my actions fewer and farther between. But as I watch my friends become professionals and wives and moms I am aware that we all feel this way. Our core has to shift. It's inevitable. But I'm so thankful to be reminded of the power of friendship and so lucky that it lives in my every day life.

So...with that said...2011, I sorta love you. You're really starting to grow on me.

Just a random thought...tomorrow is Friday. One week from this Friday (tomorrow) is my 33rd birthday.

I'm sure I'll have more to say about that later...
XO

I'm having a really hard time working this week...it's practically torture. My hubs and the bebe have both been illin' and it's stretched me a tad. Work has been pushed aside to the wee hours and the late nights. Se la vie...

Really just writing because tomorrow is Friday and TGIF. I love my Fridays with Birdie. It's our weekly hall pass. I love it.

Only 11 more hours...
XOXO